Watching: Nothing in particular a lot of anime perhaps
Reading: The complete works of Edger Allen Poe <3
Listening to: the clack of my computer keys and the soft hum of the computer. Awesomeness in a small technological marvel!
I have no clue what is going on with me. I want to write... Gods know I want to write something fierce. The problem is that... I am impotent with my words right now. I write and write and write and it is all crap so I am forever hitting the backspace button or ctrl+a delete.
I have no clue how the hell I am going to achieve my goal if I can't even manage to make myself sit in front of the computer for at least an hour everyday and write something. I know that I have to learn to stop being so hard on myself. I know that no one has ever turned out a finished product in one shot. But my gods how I have set that goal for myself without even being aware that I did it. I amaze myself with my utter insanity from time to time.
I know that I shouldn't be this hard on myself about something so petty. OK so most humans don't actually follow through with their new years resolution but it bothers the hell out of me that i am almost half way through the third month in the year and I haven't made any progress.
I know that there are some things that are getting in the way of what I would like to do, thing like having a life and a full time job. I know that I just wrapped up a weeks worth of classes that I had to teach and now I am getting ready to teach another two weeks. I know that i just moved in with my boyfriend and that we are planning a wedding (even if it's not going to happen till next summer), I know that I am a little lazy, I know that I am sick, I know that I have things that i should be doing but at this point in time I am unable to do so because the military is slowly sucking my soul out through the worlds smallest straw and it is painful. I know a lot of things and yet I know nothing. are these all excuses as to why I haven't been writing like I use to. Am I really just trying to justify my 'word impotence' or am I finally understanding that I can't keep up with writing like I have always dreamed I would.
I know I haven't failed yet, but I know that I am likely to. at the same time I shouldn't be thinking like that even if I can't help it. I don't know if I am just waiting for the right inspiration of if my muse has gone completely AWOL because I have overworked it for the past few years. All I can really do is just try. I know this and it still bothers me because I am not use to being that girl anymore. I am not use to being the one that sits and waits for life to say 'get off your lazy bum and so something.' I am not use to being that person that I was when i was growing up. I am use to setting goals, being stressed juggling a million and one different tasks all with time lines and still getting everything I need to get done, done. I am going to sign up for a few writing contests. Perhaps that will help my writers block.... if that is indeed what is wrong with me!
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Sorry to hear that you are having trouble finding motivation to write a collection of words that you like.
ReplyDeleteHere is some unsolicited advice: write what you know. If memory serves me correctly you had posted a piece of fiction about a guy in Japan or something. As an exercise I would suggest you try writing some fiction about a woman serving in the military who is planning her wedding that is going to take place a year from now. All writing is practice. Writing is a craft, the more you do it the better you will be at it. Writing practice doesn't have to be just fiction, there is also expository writing, technical writing, descriptive writing, poetic writing, personal writing, etc. Perhaps you should try composing a lengthy letter to a family member. I often come up with story ideas while writing correspondences. The latest being a superhero type character who has the super power of restoring faith to all the world's markets. Don't know when I'll get to flushing the idea out but it is not a matter of desire as much as time and priorities.
Best of luck,
Looking forward to your next post.
By the way, unless you want to write for television don't bother watching it, it never helps one's writing. When's the last time you read an engaging piece of writing about someone watching television? My guess is never.